


Codename: Infectious Diseases

by sergeant_angel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, what you thought there was going to be plot here? lmao oh child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 04:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sergeant_angel/pseuds/sergeant_angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The REAL reason Sharon gave Steve the brush-off. HINT: it has to do with the person marathoning Dog Cops on her couch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Codename: Infectious Diseases

**Author's Note:**

> So this was one of the ideas that popped into my head while I was at work. Which then spawned more headcanon than fic.

“What took you so long?” Kate calls from her comfy cozy spot on Sharon’s utterly delightful couch.

“Steve Rogers just asked me on a date. Well, coffee.” It’s a sign of how un-scary Kate is and how aware Sharon is that Kate breaking into Sharon’s place through the window isn’t even something that phases the Super Secret Undercover Agent.

“Did you say yes?” Kate rolls over on to her stomach, draping herself over the armrest to get a better look at Blonde and Dangerous. Who looks Less Dangerous because her cover is a nurse, a nurse who _wears pink scrubs_ and if someone says she isn’t the cutest goddamn thing they’ve ever seen Kate will _personally_ fuck them up.

“What do you think?” Sharon pulls one of her many sidearms out of her laundry basket and puts it back in its rightful place in her entryway table.

“Yes?” Kate guesses. “I’m gonna be honest, if you told him no, I’m a little mad.”

“I told him that my scrubs were covered in infectious diseases. Also, _why_ would you be mad? Are you breaking up with me?”

“Infectious disease? Aww, is that spy code for ‘I have a girlfriend’? That’s so sweet. And breaking up with you? Don’t be ridic. If I’m dating you, and you go on a date with him, _I_ basically have gone on a date with Captain America. It’s. The transitive property?”

“It’s a syllogism, you dork,” Sharon flops next to Kate on the couch, which is enough incentive for Kate to sit up properly. “And that’s not how dating works.”

“Pretty sure it does,” Kate passes Sharon the popcorn and snags the remote. “Ready for the next ep—“

“Do you really want me to date Steve Rogers?”

“I’d rather both of us date Steve Rogers—“

“I don’t think I could share you,” Sharon speculates.

“Seriously?” Kate stops in her pursuit of _Dog Cops_ to swing a leg over Sharon’s hips, settling her weight on to Sharon’s thighs, cupping Sharon’s face in her hands. “Look, Carter, I’m not trying to get rid of you. It just feels selfish to be the only one who gets to date your awesomeness. I can’t be jealous of someone seeing how awesome you are, that’s just, like, _your due_ , okay? But if we’re talking about Steve Rogers, specifically, then, yeah, I’d want a crack at that.”

“Don’t play that game with me, Hawkeye, I know Barnes is the Commando you have a crush on.”

Kate’s got a super witty reply on the tip of her tongue when Sharon does this stand-and-flip thing that has Kate’s back on the couch, Sharon’s hand tangled in her hair, and perfectly kissable lips kissing her.

“So,” Sharon sits back after a few minutes, smug smile on her face. “We gonna start this episode, or not?”

“Uh,” Kate has to take a moment to unscramble her brains. “Yeah, okay.”

Sharon’s wrinkling her nose at Kate, though—

“How was she?”

“What?”

“Mom. How was she?” Sharon is staring at Kate’s shirt—

“She was pretty good today. Think I came in right after Neighbor Boy was there, so the shirt really cracked her up. You know she likes it.”

“Yeah,” Sharon tugs at the hem of Kate’s shirt, “Yeah, I know—“

The sound of gunshots breaks them apart. Sharon is out the door and Kate is out the window in no time flat.

* * *

Kate’s fired three shots at this guy—one that bounced uselessly off of his arm, one that he pulled out of his chest, and the other—a shock arrow—had stuck and gone off just as he caught—oh, crap.

Captain America’s shield.

He throws it back, and Steve Rogers catches it, and she’s got another arrow nocked but—

The guy is gone.

“Shit,” she says to the rooftops. “That’s never good.”

Steve Rogers jogs up behind her, surveying the empty skyline. “What, is there a Hawkeye program or something?”

“SHIELD could only be so lucky,” she scoffs. “Clint and I are not program material—err—“ she cuts herself off, staring at him. “And I’m definitely not authorized to do anything I just did, so we should probably pretend we never met.”

Futz futz futz, if Fury finds out she’s here when she is very specifically _not supposed to be here_ , as in, _direct orders_ not supposed to be in the same futzing building as Steve Rogers, she is never getting called in again, bye-bye consulting gig.

“Um,” Rogers is staring at…her chest? No, her shirt. “I don’t think anyone would believe me if I said anything.”

Kate glances down at her shirt. _I’m Here, I’m Queer, And I Love Captain America_.

“Good man,” she eventually says. “Though honestly, depending on who you told—“ A horrifying thought strikes her. “Don’t tell Natasha.” She winks at him, which might not be entirely appropriate for the situation, but she can’t be sure, this time yesterday she was wresting alien tech from a warlord (and really, what is this, _Xena_? _Warlords_? Those had been her exact words to Sitwell) and she hasn’t slept in a few days—

“Right,” she decides, getting ready to jump down the fire escape. “I’m going to see if I can track this guy. Probably not, but never hurts, right?”

“Hawkeye?”

The name stops her short.

“You’re Hawkeye?”

“One of, yes.”

“Stay safe, then.”

“Can do, Cap. Listen to Agent Thirteen.”

She’s clattering down the fire escape before he can answer.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Phil made the shirts.  
> Peggy might not be Sharon's biological mom, but she did help raise her, because Cartinelli Is Real and Angie is Sharon's biological mother.  
> And many more headcanons, coming to a theatre near you.  
> The thought of Steve meeting anyone wearing a "I'm Here, I'm Queer, And I Love Captain America" shirt just. Well, it made it hard to keep a straight face at work, mmk?


End file.
